by embodytrue | Oct 27, 2012 | happiness, Meditation, Yoga
It has been some time now since my actual journey began, although before I go into detail it might be helpful to start from the beginning. What am I doing ? Where am I going ? What are my motivations and intentions ?
More than ever i am becoming a believer that everything happens for a reason. So many moments of my life leading me to where i am right now. Finally feeling that although i really no no idea what the future will bring that i am pointed in a direction, down a path that has meaning and value for me. Always having an interest in science, studying Electrical Engineering, taking a job with IBM in Vermont.
Vermont ! Was really where it all began. I am so grateful that these series of circumstances led me to a place where i would discover my true passion, even though it would mean leaving mostly everything i have been doing behind. As my time living in Vermont went by , my interest , study and practice of Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, the relationship with modern physics and science, etc … continued to grow exponentially. Inspired by so many wonderful teachers both locally and through books/media. I started to see the transformation of my own mind an body, subtle, slow and gradual, it was not sudden and dramatic. Noticeable enough that it was worth continuing to explore and push the limits.
Eventually beginning to teach Yoga and bring mindfulness practices into my work at IBM, it dawned upon me that this was really where my passion was, where i really saw there could be benefit to help and connect with other living beings. Something that is really needed in a world where we are driven by a fast paced, technology, consumerism driven culture. Sharing some great wisdom that i have learned from my teachers and resources that I have connected with the most, I was feeling as on some level I was more passing on things that logically sounded good to me , than totally coming from my own direct experience. If all that i was talking about was actually true, than wouldn’t it be nice to actually know so from my own direct experience. To see what the true potential of the mind and heart is. To approach it from radically empirical, scientific perspective, going deep into the practice and seeing what emerges. Not reading a whole bunch of interesting books and agreeing with the points that are made.
When certain circumstances is my life happened to occur, i knew the time was right to give this some honest effort. Extremely grateful for my Job and experiences that i had in Vermont, it was time for a change. So with out knowing exactly what will happen when i return, i downsized my life , quit my job and started to plan for a year long adventure through Thailand , Nepal and India. Although the aspect of travel and adventure is exciting and a wonderful experience, the specific purpose of this trip is not to travel for travel sake. But to spend most of my time in full time Meditation retreat or Yoga Immersion to deeply travel through the inner world as the outer world arises and passes around me. Therefore what i would like to share in this blog , is not the details of the places i have been, but the details of what i have learned about myself , the mind and meditation practice. Exploring the inner landscape instead of the outer. I am no travel writer and if you want to know about these countries I’m sure your time will be better spent reading someone else.
This is an extremely brief introduction, as there were many more details leading up to the start of this trip. Its good to set a little bit of context.
The proposed plan is :
5 Week Cultivating Emotional Balance Teacher Training , with Eve Ekman and Alan Wallace in Phuket Thailand
8 Week Shamatha and the 4 application of mindfulness retreat with Alan Wallace in Phuket Thailand
1 Month Lam Rim / Introduction to the Gelupa school of Tibetan Buddhism at the Kopan Monastery in Nepal
1 Month of Solitary retreat in a retreat house in Baktapur Nepal
10 Day Discovering Buddhism at the Root , Root Institute , Bodhgaya India
2 Weeks at the Kryia Yoga Research Institute / Ashram During the Kumbh Mela
2 Week Insight Meditation retreat Root Institute , Bodhgaya India
1 Month in Rishikesh , Staying ind an Ashram or finding an authentic yogi to study and practice with
3 Week Iyengar Intensive in Deradun India
1 Month of retreat at the Songsten Library in Deradun India
2 More months of retreat in Dharamsala / Tso Pema , India
I will give an update and summary on each retreat experience as i go along. I hope to provide some valuable insights that will be inspiration and helpful for your own practice.
May we all find Happiness and its causes , free from suffering and its causes. In order to do so it would be nice to know what are the causes ? Let see if i can find out and share 🙂
by embodytrue | Jan 21, 2012 | Yoga
It has been a while since I have posted but inspired by tonight’s Yoga Dance Class i have some thoughts to share. Reflecting on my own teaching style and asking my self why do i teach the way i do ? Was i taught to do it this particular way ? Am i emulating what i have experienced in other classes and enjoyed ? Am i just repeating what i have heard others say ? Or am i coming from my own direct experience and sharing what i have experienced to be true, not just what i have heard or seen. There were various flavors of yes and no for each question, but with these questions came a perspective that i feel would be a valuable one to consider. Making no claim this is a correct or superior perspective, each teaching style has something to offer. Here is one of many:
The thing that got me thinking about this in the first place is that i often don’t assist while i am leading a class. I find it difficult to maintain a good rhythm and flow , while assisting individual people (perhaps this is something that comes with experience). You also never really know if a particular person on a particular day would even prefer having an assist. If they do happen to prefer one and they notice others getting an assist, they may start to subtly crave one and throw off the balance of the mind. Any form of outside stimulation , like a physical adjustment or a verbal command directed towards an individual can be a distraction to the meditative aspect of the flow. Of course there are benefits as well for being physical guided into proper alignment or verbally corrected if your doing something that may injure you. There is a place for each perspective, here i focus on the non assist perspective.
When i say non assist i am referring to no physical assists, as well as no verbal assists directed at a particular person. So if your not assisting either physically or verbally what are you doing as you teach ? Practicing. Just like everyone else, we come to yoga to practice. What are we practicing ? Absorption. Absorption with our direct experience. Being fully present. Awake and aware, content and non attached. Taping into our energetic nature and observing as it unfolds. Although when you need to lead a class, how do you direct the practice of others ? By being completely present with your own practice and describing in as much detail as possible, exactly what you are doing moment by moment. As you feel the adjustments you make in your own practice coming into alignment, describing that experience. Clearly seeing what your doing physically and mentally, then finding the words to explain. Not only then are you practicing what you preach , but you are only preaching what you yourself are practicing in that moment. Instead of having thoughts about what you will teach and how you will teach it, actually practicing your self and just describe what you are aware of.
This can be a practice its self for the teacher. Staying so present with your own practice that you are able to explain exactly what your body is doing. Letting the students take in that information and apply little parts of it that relate to them at that moment. While still allowing the freedom of the students to make their own decisions on what feels right in their body. With out ever correcting them , but offering general detailed enough alignment principles that they will correct them selves when ready. Finding the alignment in their own body which only they have the direct experience of. No one else can find that for them.
I offer this approach as an option to consider. Making it very easy to show up to teach. Simply practice and describe. Do not disturb, the natural flow of each persons individual experience. This may not be the optimal approach for beginners, but can potentially be used once a practitioner has become aware enough to not injure themselves. What do you think ?
by embodytrue | May 18, 2011 | Meditation, Yoga
What is your purpose of practicing yoga ? Why do you do it ? What does it do for you ?
On the surface Yoga practice is great exercise. Asana and Pranayama how ever you happen to practice them are great for the body and mind. Given that the body and mind are so interrelated keeping the body in good health will also help to keep the mind in good health. Some might also practice yoga for temporary stress relief, deep relaxation, getting into your body and out of the constant chatter of the mind. You come to your practice with all of the struggles from the day and hopefully leave rejuvenated ready to face what ever comes your way. Although when challenging situations come up, things don’t go as you expected or deep emotions bubble up where is that peaceful feeling that you left your practice with ?
Physical health, relaxation, and a few moments of peace are nothing to be taken lightly and if that’s what brings you to Yoga your still doing much better than many others struggling to find those things in life. Although with a deeper understanding of the practice there is an opportunity for more than just a temporary relief. How about liberation, happiness independent of conditions, insight into who you are, a sense of lasting peace that does not fade in the hard times as well as the good times.
Through my recent experience at a 10 day Vipassana course, during which we were encouraged not to practice yoga, a few things about my own practice and what Yoga means to me became a little more clear. It was apparent to me, that at some level i was indeed attached to yoga practice. That great feeling you get working the body, and the deep relaxation that comes when you are done. What an amazing feeling ! Who would not want to have that ? To what extent though is that useful ? Does yoga just become yet another thing in your life that you feel like you need to be happy ? Something outside of your self that is bringing you this happiness. If only i could practice yoga everyday , maybe a few times a week , ahhh then i would be really happy? That feeling of craving that might arise after a stressful day, “practicing some yoga would really make me feel better right now”. If you know anything about yoga philosophy you probability know that yoga is about being in the moment, allowing things to be as they are, contentment and non attachment. I make no claims to say that your not actually doing that, but really investigate your own experience especially when it comes to practicing yoga its self.
I really feel that the insight from Vipassana mediation has much to offer a Yoga practice. Turing it from a temporary relief to a real beginning of transformation and change. Here are the basics of Vipassana mediation and why it is useful:
Buddhism is primary based on what is called the four noble truths:
1) There is suffering
2) The origin of suffering is craving and aversion
3) There is a way to stop suffering
4) This is a path leading to the end of suffering ( Enlightenment )
You could go on in great detail about these four topics, but what is important for my purpose here is the second noble truth. Simply put the very root of our suffering is because we crave things that we like and avoid things we don’t like. If the world was a perfect place and we could always get what we want and completely avoid the thing we don’t want then there would be no problem here. Unfortunately at least from my own experience that is not the case, sometimes we don’t get what we want and sometimes we can not avoid situations we would not like to be in. What is interesting here is that we often attribute the cause of this suffering to outside factors. If only i could acquire some thing or have some experience then i would be happy. Even when we get that thing or experience we are still not satisfied looking for yet another external thing to bring us happiness. If only that person would change or act differently to me then i would be happy. We attribute our happiness outside of our self’s because we don’t understand what is going on at a deeper level. How do we maintain peace and balance of mind though all of life’s ups and downs ?
It is said that there are five things that make up our experience:
1) Physical Matter
2) Consciousness
3) Perception / Evaluation
4) Feeling / Sensation
5) Reaction / Mental Conditioning
With everything that we experience through any of the 6 sense doors ( Sound, Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, Mind), anything we experience outside or that we generate inside with our own minds:
We first are aware of it through Consciousness. We then perceive it through the lens of our past experience and conditioning, evaluating the raw data and making logical sense out of it. That evaluation results in a positive, negative or neutral sensation arising somewhere in the body (regardless if we are able to detect it). We then react to that sensation with craving or aversion. Wanting to hold on the the pleasant sensations and get rid of the negative ones. This is not something we are normally directly aware of, when very strong emotions or sensations come up we are very aware of them. When very subtle emotions or sensations come up we are not aware but the deepest level of the mind is always aware and reacting to sensations on the body. We think that things outside our of selves are making us feel good or bad, where we are recognizing the object, evaluating it and then reacting to the sensation that was produced. Mind and Body are interconnected, with an experience in the mind manifests a sensation in the body. It is in fact our reaction to the sensations that we are holding on to or pushing away, not any person , experience or material object that is the root of our habitual reactions.
Through the practice of Vipassana you first focus your attention on the breath to calm the thoughts and focus the mind. You do this in a very specific way concentrating on the very small area right underneath your nostrils. Simply observing the breath as it passes through the gateway of your nose, in and out. You begin to become aware of the very subtle sensation that the touch of the breath has as the inhale and exhale come and go. As the breath becomes more subtle the sensations become more subtle and your mind becomes more subtle maintaining awareness of the increasingly subtle sensations. Eventually your mind becomes so focused that you are constantly aware of this subtle level of sensation that is always there, right under the threshold of ordinary awareness, even if the breath is flowing or not. At that point you are ready to begin to scan your entire body , bringing this focused mind, becoming aware of the subtle sensations that are present through out the entire body. These sensations will manifest in many ways, some times pleasant, some times unpleasant, some times you don’t notice anything, sometimes extremely blissful, sometimes painful or horrific. Just like life sometimes good , some times bad. What will become very clear is that all of these sensations are impermanent, constantly changing, pulsing, vibrating. They come and the go, stay for a little while and then dissipate, arise and pass almost instantaneous. When you get to this very subtle level, nothing is solid that you can hold on to, even a very solidified pain when probed deeper is changing and pulsing. If all these sensations are impermanent and constantly changing what is the purpose of clinging to or avoiding them ? As soon as you reacted it has already come and gone. The practice now is to simply, objectively observe the sensations with equanimity. Meaning seeing them for exactly what they are, not identifying with them, not reacting to them, allow them to be and pass through you. To the extent you can be aware of sensations and have equanimity towards them, the process of purification and liberation has begun.
Understanding this how do we relate it to Yoga practice. In Yoga you are already slowing down the mind, focusing on the breath, you are already aware of sensations in your body. What may be missing is this concept of equanimity. Balance, non reactivity, freedom from attachment or aversion. On the surface we all understand this, but it can be really hard to do, speaking for my self at least. It can also be a fine line, for instance how can you approach a pose with complete non attachment yet still exert some effort. If your in a simple forward fold, you get in there and reach your edge. Some craving may arise to want to go a little bit deeper, you almost have your chest on your thighs but not just yet. At this point what is really the goal ? Is it to get as deep as you possibly can in the pose, get your chest flat against your legs ? Or is it to bring your self to your edge, where you need to be in that moment and let go. Become aware of the sensations in your body and observe them with equanimity. If there is a pleasant sensation that arises because maybe the stretch feels good, maybe your deeper than you have ever been before, don’t become attached to it just observe it knowing that it is impermanent and will change. If there is an unpleasant sensation that arises because maybe there is a little bit of strain, or something in that moment triggered an emotional response, don’t push it away just observe it knowing that this too will pass.
Combining the insight of Vipassana meditation with Yoga practice may be able to transform and not just bring temporary relief. Don’t believe me because logically this all makes sense, experiment, practice, know for your self through your own direct experience. Go to the level where the subtle mind is reacting with attachment or aversion to the sensations throughout the body. Our mind has been trained to react, to cling to the things we like , avoid the things we don’t. Not recognizing the impermanent nature of all these sensations we try so hard to control but never can. It’s not too late, this pattern can be changed with time and practice. Practice patiently with determination. Bring this awareness into your yoga practice. What ever sensation arises observe it, as it is, with equanimity. Bring this awareness into your meditation, what ever arises observe it, as it is, with equanimity. Free your self from the habit of reacting and just observe, allow sensations to be, allow your self to be. Be Liberated !
by embodytrue | Jan 3, 2011 | Emptiness, Meditation, Yoga
Here is a little insight i had about finding the right amount of effort in your yoga or meditation practice. To be a little more clear its really all about releasing any conceptual basis for what effort is all together and finding that place in the middle.
Now when it comes to yoga and meditation you often come up against a paradox that does not appear logically possible. Although if you let go of what you think you may know and allow your self to just experience you will understand the meaning of the paradox. A frequent teaching is; “find the place in the middle”, “not too tight, not too loose”, “effortless effort”, “Stay active but remain relaxed”, “go to your edge but no farther.” It comes in many different sayings but what do they mean ?
Lets consider the concept of effort. Since everything is relative and a concept only really makes sense in relationship to something, (Yin and Yang , Positive and Negative) the concept of effort has no meaning unless there is something to compare it to. Thus we have effort and non effort, in order to intellectualize this concept we must separate it into opposites. The amount of effort or non effort you may be experiencing is a subjective amount. No one else but you really knows how much you may be or may not be exercising effort. We draw arbitrary lines for ourselves for what we consider too much effort , not enough effort or just enough effort. The idea is not to create the concept for some arbitrary point of “just enough effort” but it is too let go of any concept of effort what so ever, with out grasping and with out aversion.
Imagine a number line -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5. Lets say this is our effort scale. The positive numbers are effort and the negative numbers are non effort. At any point you may be able to rate your self on this arbitrary scale, telling your self how much effort or non effort you are exerting. When you continue to hold on to this dualistic concept, on one side effort on the other side non effort, you are in a constant battle either grasping on to where you think you should be or avoiding where you think you should not be. How do you find the place in the middle ? What is in the middle ? That’s right “Zero”. What does zero mean here ? It is nothing at all or does it have some kind of quality. In math zero is not simply nothingness it has attributes and its own nature. In meditation or yoga zero pertains to the concept of emptiness, a concept not having an intrinsic value with out a relative nature(Non-dual realization).
So in order to find “Zero”, the place in the middle, effortless effort, you must let go of dualistic concepts such as effort or non effort. Experience your current state fully allowing your self to be as you are without intentionally holding back or pushing. It is this thought, that we need to be at a place other than where we already are, that places us on the relative scale. When you can dissolve the concept of effort all together with out falling into the positive or negative range you will experience the solution to this paradox.
by embodytrue | Jun 28, 2010 | Live Music, Meditation, Yoga
This Practice has been inspired by my own yoga and meditation practice as well as many live music experiences over the years. For those of you who have your own yoga practice and love to experience live music there is a great opportunity to extend your practice to your concert experience as well as take something back to yoga. As my own practice grows over time there is no other band that allows me to go deeper than Phish. I recently attended the Phish weekend festivities at SPAC on 6/19 and 6/20 for two amazing shows where i both lost my self to the jam and found my self within it.
What is it about Phish that draws so many fans and also is a great opportunity for deepening your meditation practice ? 1) Tension and Release – the ability to build the energy of a song, slowly release that energy just to come right back and go even higher. It is a full body experience, the band, the intensity, the sound, the crowd, smiling faces, dancing! It is a constant flow of your own energy as it rises and falls with each song throughout the entire show. 2) Extended Jam – The ability for the entire band to improvise together taking any song as a base, turning it into something unexpected and then somehow bringing you back. Jams lasting anywhere from 1 min to 20 min , a complete journey with many ups and downs. (Many other band also utilize these qualities and they are in no way limited to Phish alone)
If your at a Phish show or enjoying any live music experience, here is a practice of live music meditation:
You have two options for posture and i would encourage that you alternate between them spontaneously.
- Mountain Pose – Stand with your feet hip distance apart. Feel your feet root into the ground. Thighs reach back as tailbone scoops engaging Mula Bundha. Reaching out of your hips as your spine grows tall. Side body long, inner body bright. Shoulders reach back and apart then relax.
- Mindful Dancing – This is a dynamic pose that will be unique for every person. How ever you feel moved and what ever the music is asking of your body, Dance ! Begin to flow with the music. Follow its energy and rhythm, when the music is slow and soft move slow and soft, when the music is fast and raging move fast and raging. Allow there to be no judgment or comments on your movement, allow your self to dance as if no one were watching and you could care less even if they were. Be aware of every movement your body makes, staying present with your body not lost in your mind.
Normally while experiencing live music you would send your energy outward; screaming , clapping , throwing your hands in the air, singing, dancing (in a subtly different way than used in this practice), taking in the energy from the music and releasing it into the crowd. You also may come in and out of moments with mindfulness; one moment enjoying the full experience of the music, one moment internally judging if you are having a good time or not, one moment recalling an event from the past or daydreaming about the future. These moments happen very fast jumping from one thing to the next melding together creating your entire perceived experience.
In this practice you will take this energy and send it inward stabilizing it with mindfulness.
Begin in Mountain Pose. Bring your awareness to your physical body feeling a sense of relaxation comfort and ease. Let you body and breath settle in its natural state. Now bring your awareness to the sound of the music, let your eyes close and be completely engulfed in the sound. Open your eyes adapt to your surroundings , there may be hundreds of other people around you, stay calm and focused. Allow the external sound to merge with your physical body becoming aware of the music and the sensations that the music produces in your body. Naturally feel the music build on your inhale and fall on your exhale. Allow your breath to ride on the rhythm of the song. This experience will be the object of your meditation, the combination of the external sound and the internal physical sensations. Apply mindfulness to this object, as your mind begins to wander and comment or judge your experience notice that this is happening and bring your attention back. Allowing your thoughts to be in the background without grasping or aversion deepen your concentration on sound and sensation. As the energy begins to rise and fall notice what this does to your body with out actively “doing” anything. In the music let there just be the music. Where you normally would send your energy outward with a yell or motion notice this urge and contain the energy inward as you subtly begin to build inside. While the band is jamming follow the jam note by note staying mindful of every sound and every sensation that sound produces in your body. As the tension builds around you feel the stillness within as your energy also rises. When you reach a point where you spontaneously need to move break out of stillness into mindful dance.
As you finally begin to release some of your energy make sure that you stay mindful of your actions. Notice how easy it is to allow your body to dance but allow your mind to be bouncing from thought to thought. Once you are comfortable dancing and have your “home moves” which require no effort from your body to remember how to do, it is easy to be lost in thought. Notice when you are no longer mindful of your movement and bring your attention back to your physical body. Be aware of the position of your hands and feet in space. Break out of your pre-programmed “home moves” and allow your body to have a unique movement with every note that is played. Pick a instrument that is improvising in the jam, Guitar, Bass, Piano, Drums, etc …. Focus your attention on that one instrument and allow your body to follow its every movement. Begin to improvise the dance its self as if you were just another instrument adding to the jam. Let the intensity of your movements flow with the intensity of the song. When you feel your energy reaching a low mindfully transition back to mountain pose recharging for the next jam. When the song is over as every one is clapping and screaming stand strong in mountain pose and soak in the experience and energy of the crowd.
Experiment with the flow from mountain to dance and back. Notice what it is like to fully experience the music with out losing focus, no judgment no comments. Bare sound and sensation facilitated by the band and the crowd. This is not so different from a yoga practice. Allowing your body to move and flow staying mindful of your actions and the quality of your thoughts. As with the dance practice, it is very easy to learn a yoga pose so well your body requires very little effort to maintain it. This is where your mind can begin to wander even though you are fully in the pose. When this happens become mindful, bring your attention back to the physical sensations of your body. Be aware of the position of your hands and feet in space. Send you energy inward, go deeper, one pointed awareness.
To learn more please join me at Liberate Music and Yoga Festival Aug 20 & 21 Live Music Meditation at Liberate
Feel the groove flow inwards and outwards and truly be free,
Danny
by embodytrue | Jun 10, 2010 | Yoga
As much as you practice, as much as you study, as much as you learn from your teachers and life, try as hard as you might you never really find Yoga.
It is not out there to be found, it is not a concept to one day grasp, it is not an experience to one day have.
It is right now, in each moment, what ever is, exactly as it is.
All of the information out there, is just a hint on what Yoga may or may not be like for you.
Every one of us are unique expressions of the same whole.
Although at its source Yoga is the same we each have our own unique perception and experience of what it is to us.
So stop looking for Yoga you cant find it. It will never meet some kind of theoretical, conceptual expectation you may put on it.
Let Yoga find you, be completely open to this experience right now. That’s all there is …
